Just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James.  This book, and in fact the next two of the series, have been given to me by a friend.  We share books quite often and when she brought these books in for me she was totally over the moon with them and couldn’t wait for me to read them.  I must admit that I wasn’t really all that taken with the idea but as they seem to be taking the nation by storm (and seem to be quite literally sold out in most bookshops) I thought maybe I should give them a shot.

Well, to be honest, these books are not really for me.  That being said I can understand why this series is proving so popular because it’s like reading some sort of female fantasy but personally, and I wouldn’t say that I’m prudish, there is just too much sex and too little story!  What we have here is loosely based on the Twilight story (with a bit of Pretty Woman thrown in for good measure) but whilst Bella and Edward could barely share a kiss this has gone to the absolute other extreme and Christian and Ana seem to barely share a conversation (as they’re too busy going at it like a pair of rabbits).  I mean, it’s not like I’ve never read a book with sex in it before but I just felt it was too much.

So, the characters, we have Christian.  Who is apparently the most gorgeous man on the face of the planet.  Women are rendered speechless in his presence, dumbstruck and with jaws dropped appropriately.  Not only is he gorgeous but he’s successful and owns some sort of multi-million pound company.  He’s powerful and a little bit intimidating but he’s absolutely bowled over by Ana – no obvious reason as to why – but he just is.  But Christian is flawed by events in his past.  He is unable to attach himself emotionally to anybody in fact he doesn’t even like to be touched and his sexual proclivity is to domineer!  Of course Ana is completely innocent of such things being a very late developer to the whole area of sex – in fact, she’s a virgin (yes, a 21 year old, drop dead gorgeous virgin – stop scoffing, it can happen – look at that beautiful virgin living with her three fairy godmothers deep in a forest – see!!)  So, whilst he’s not a vampire and Ana is in no immediate danger of having her blood drained, Christian is bad for her.  He can’t give her the type of relationship she wants and she’s in danger of a good spanking at every turn.

The problem for me with this book comes in a few guises.  Firstly, I don’t need this much explanation about sex – I have an imagination after all and I’m not afraid to use it so basically I got bored and found myself skimming.  A lot.  I just would have liked more story thrown in with the rampant sex.  Secondly, you have this basically really successful guy who seems to never spend any time working – other than an odd phone call here and there.  The majority of the book he spends flying around the country in pursuit of Ana or turning up in her bedroom because she’s sent him an email that he doesn’t understand (btw – stalker at all?)!  Wtf is that about – I would love to know the secret of his success so that I can spend all my time flitting about the country and basically doing sweet fa. Thirdly, Ana and Christian are basically fairly young people but they read much older.  They can’t get enough classical music and piano playing, the books they read are classics – lots of reference to Thomas Hardy, etc, etc, I mean, I pretty much like that sort of thing myself and I read and enjoyed a fair few classics when I was a teenager – but I also wasn’t shy about reading pulp and listening to music that my parents described as ‘that bloody racket’!  Come on – these two are like twenty going on one hundre and twenty.  There is, literally, nothing young about them.  But, and fourthly, I think my biggest problem with the book is the relationship itself – it has it’s moments which are okay – but, mostly it’s just plain irritating.  I find it difficult to believe that a modern young woman would be prepared to put up with such b/s just because a good looking guy shows her some attention.  It’s not like he’s the only drop dead gorgeous one after all.  I mean, he’s like totally bossy, tells her what to eat, chooses her clothes, tells her who she can see (alright, Edward was old fashioned but that was because he WAS OLD).  She’s not allowed to drive her own car because it might be dangerous – she’s survived this long you big moron!   He says ‘kneel on the floor’ and she just does it.  Why?  Just no.  Sorry.  In fact, I’m not sorry it was goddamn irritating and I couldn’t help thinking ‘for goodness sake woman, strap on a pair and tell this bossy f**ker to do one!’  But no, oh, he’s so gorgeous so I’ll just do whatever he says.  Could you be any more shallow?  And, if there was any more eye rolling or lip biting I think I would have vomited.

Okay, rant (and bad language) over! Like I said, I could see why women would maybe enjoy this novel, the very thought of this man who could basically choose anybody but wants Ana, etc, etc, (your basic dream come true) but I found it just too irritating and also a bit uncomfortable to read because it was like reading somebody’s fantasy – which all feels a bit too personal.  Not judging anybody else for liking this but it’s not really my ideal book.  I’ve heard this described as ‘mummy porn’ and I can see why.  Also it’s described as Marmite – and again, I can understand that  because opinion seems to be deeply divided between love and hate.  Personally, I didn’t hate it.  I certainly didn’t love it but it was entertaining and I have to hand it to the author for being able to make me blush!

Fifty Shades of Grey