I would tell my dog to stop barking at 6.00 am in the morning!  Yes, this is his most recent discovery.  If I bark the humans will get up and come down to see me.  Yay.  Why did nobody tell me of this 6 years ago!

No, very bad.  Give me a break.  I don’t want to know that there’s a 6.00 am in the morning much less see it and take part!

So, this is the pesky varmint’s latest discovery.  I hold up my hand and admit that I probably (definitely) made it worse – but it was with the best intentions and also because I hadn’t realised what was actually going on.

Basically, I have two dogs.  And much like your children, even though you think you’re treating them the same they actually have their own personality.  Dude, named after the Dude in the Big Lebowski, came to live with us at 12 weeks old.  He’s very integrated into our family, his pack.  Jack, not named by us as we took over his care age 4 from a family who were finding him too hard to cope with.  I call him Jackypaws – because he’s very sensitive about his toes – he’s even now a bit more quiet than Dude.

Anyway, long story short, they’re company for each other which is nice.  They don’t really spend too much time on their own because we always have a bit of a house full and we’re all in and out at different times!  Like I say, they’re both different natured.  Jack isn’t very vocal unless he wants something.  If he’s sat next to you and his cushion isn’t down he sits at the side, stares at you and then barks once.  Same if there’s no water in his bowl.  Or, when you’re about to take him out on a walk – he barks usually twice – especially if you don’t put his lead on first.

On the other paw, Dude barks more often and it always seems meaningless.  But, he’s never barked when he’s gone to bed at night.  Occasionally he whines – but thats only when he thinks he can hear you and believes he’s missing out on something.  So, the other morning, when he started barking, it was such a surprise that I thought he wanted or needed to desperately relieve himself and came down to see him.  This was obviously a light bulb moment for him and he now gets up every morning to wake me with the birds!

Not happy!  Deeply unhappy actually.  At first I tried shouting at him!  I confess. I’ve tried coming down and just liberating him from the kitchen.  This morning I came close to beating him with a wooden spoon – it’s the kitchen and it was the handiest thing.  Don’t worry.  I didn’t.  But it was a close call there for a moment.

In the meantime.  I’ve had a look on line.  The advice was pretty much as follows:

1. Never shout at your dog when he’s barking – he thinks you’re joining in with him.  Joy of joys!  So, I have actually been conversing with him even though I didn’t know.  He says ‘bark, bark, bark’ – which roughly translated means, ‘hey’, you up there, come down and see me (sometime!) and then I shout ‘Shut up Dude’ which roughly translated means ‘I’ll be there in a moment’!  Going well so far.

2. If your dog starts barking at different times such as in the morning, never go down to see him as you just encourage him to behave like this all the time.  Thanks.  I’m now fully aware of that but it’s nice to have my own theory confirmed even if it is a little late

3. Ignore him – virtually impossible.  I tried this on Saturday – he barked for one and a half hours!

4. Remember that dogs are not vindictive or spiteful.  Your dog is behaving like this because he is missing you.  Aw, very reassuring, but sleep deprivation does not bring out my best side.  You know the saying about a grumpy person being like a bear with a sore head – well the bear stole that off me.  It’s more like a Lynn with a sore head and even the bears run in the opposite direction when they see me with a certain look on my face.

5. Don’t beat your dog with a wooden spoon or other kitchen utensil.  Actually, I made that one up.

So, what to do.  Apparently I can buy a diffuser which releases pheromones that will relax him.  I suppose I’ll have to give it a go.  If it doesn’t work for him maybe it will relax me!!

Feel free of course to provide me with the benefit of your advice and wisdom.  I’m good at taking advice and bad at losing sleep!

Oh, I have tried up keeping him up later – even walking him at 1.00 am in the morning – it doesn’t work and in actual fact it’s just all more attention!! So probably the wrong thing to do.

Dogs, what you gonna do!  Can’t live with em!!!